Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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