it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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