You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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