the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
