so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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