one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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