Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
