Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
