so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
