Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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