your room smells of hookers.
And success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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