I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
