The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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