the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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