I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
