you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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