My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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