I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The ass gains better be worth it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
