people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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