I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
