3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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