im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
