You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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