i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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