We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
