we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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