were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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