We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
