She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
