I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
