No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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