I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
