I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
