and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
