i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wear drunk well.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
