I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wanna go halves on a baby?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He felt like a one man threesome
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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