he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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