I smell stomach acid.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
