you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
