1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
