that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
