shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
