ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
