I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
