last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
