I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
