Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
