Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
