First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
