he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
