I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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